thanks- and stressgiving
er.i'm surrounded entirely by mountains of laundry at the moment. i'm also quite aware that i'm way behind on where i want to be in terms of this latest book that i'm working on. i'm dreading the thought of cleaning the spare room, and more than a little stressed at the thought of four days on the road with my dad. we don't talk much, and there's bound to be a lot of questions about what i'm doing for a living and how "things" are going.
all of this is very nebulous--suffice it to say that, although there are a ton of good things going on, none of them would interest my parents beyond the cursory freak-out and anger over "wasted" time and a "wasted" life. i have no idea what i'm going to talk to my dad about over four days. everything is a potential land mine. i ought to be fair, though, and give him the benefit of the doubt. i know there are things that i'm doing that would interest him, but the yardstick by which he measures life isn't nearly broad enough for me.
shelterbox could be a safe topic--i don't know. jim will be a safe topic. mom won't be; neither will bor; neither will friends in general. we'll see. i need to give him more of a chance.
this is the point at which, in movies or books, people say to themselves or each other, "how did we get here?" there's a wry twist of the mouth accompanying, meant to suggest bemusement, but i don't need to go anywhere near there: i know exactly how we got here.
the past few weeks have been a whirlwind. i've been very busy, although i'm not sure i can say with what, exactly. i have been feeling like it's time to get the lead out, and stop screwing around. i know for a fact that i'm delaying the completion of this newest manuscript because i know it will lead to gruntwork: querying, mailing, e-mailing, keeping track of things--and, perhaps even worse, it will require that i turn my attention, once again, to the ever-present PORTFOLIO. i need to have a conversation with lara about her commentary on the MS, although i'm pretty sure i know which direction the next revision and writing of the ending will ahve to take.
today there is a lot of packing to be had. but not until i've gone and written a few more words, at least.
